Bad Day
by Yami-chan and Unrealistic
Summary: By UR. Being a Turk isn't easy, especially the first day. Elena knows better than anyone.


A/N: This fic may seem really redundant, but I think you'll find a laugh or two in here somewhere. Yes, whenever the song came on the radio I was typing this, but it wasn't the inspiration.

Bad Day

By: Unrealistic

From the moment Elena had woken up that morning, she knew it was going to be a bad day. Her recent promotion to the Turks would have made anyone in her shoes feel great. But Elena had a problem; whenever she would change jobs, her first day there usually ended up a living nightmare.

Elena sighed heavily as she meandered into the bathroom. It was too bad. She had always looked forward to joining the Turks ever since she had started working in Shinra.

After landing a job with the intelligence department she had been doing as all new employees did and sorted various files and documents. Most of the files were classified and taped shut. This had made the job all the more tedious and frustrating.

"_What fun is secretary duty when you can't dig up blackmail on your coworkers?"_ Elena thought in retrospect as she washed her hair.

That particular first day had ended in all of her hard work getting undone. Her boss had gone and changed his mind about what order he wanted the files in. On top of that a drunken coworker had tried to get her into his apartment. Having not gotten into intelligence for nothing, Elena delivered a good punch into the stomach and then kicked his feet out from underneath him.

Elena's first days were never good. Even teenage jobs had been bad as she experienced the whole spectrum; dropping food, annoying coworkers, making bad first impressions and all those little things that in the end make up a very bad day.

This first day however, would be her last. The Turks were as high as you could go in the Shinra offices unless you were an executive. Elena intended to make the best of it.

From this day forward she would finally have an excuse to see Tseng _every single_ day.

Elena was not a stalker. She had only half a dozen pictures of the man, a map of where his office was in relation to hers and three pens he had dropped on route to the copy machine. He had a habit of doing that.

Elena liked to think of herself as a very determined young woman. Reno and Rude had their reasons for being in the Turks and she definitely had her reason. Her parents had always encouraged her to do her best and to reach for her dreams. To get married, have a few kids and drag Tseng along for the ride (mostly Tseng)…that was a good dream, right?

She looked at herself in the mirror with her new uniform. She did have to admit that she would have taken this path even if her new boss weren't such an incredibly hot guy. She took one of the pictures off of her bedroom mirror and sighed.

She had to make this first day good. To do that she was going to do the exact opposite of what she normally did. She wasn't going to care.

"_And the man of your dreams is going to be standing not even a foot away from you, Elena. Good luck."_

She would need it.

Elena was in the elevator. On habit she pushed the button for the floor to her old office. She banged her head against the steel. Already this day was going wrong.

Once she was on her way up to the right floor, she relaxed a bit. Vaguely she wondered what her first assignment might be. She'd heard that patrolling the slums was what most Turks started out doing. Although with only four Turks and Tseng taking care of mostly office duties, Elena was curious as to whether she would really be starting out easy or not.

The elevator door opened and she walked out. She was immediately attacked by silly string and a mass of streamers accompanied by loud noises. When she finally got a good look she found Reno, wearing a ridiculous party hat. She noticed Rude was off to the side wearing one as well, only he wasn't looking too happy about it.

Reno blew on the noisemaker again. "Welcome to the Turks, Elena! The only job on the planet that legally doesn't exist and we still get paid for it!"

A moment of silence as Elena contemplated what had just happened. Reno placed a party hat on her head as she was distracted by her thoughts.

Rude coughed. "Congratulations, Elena…or maybe not so much…" he said, alluding to the dangers of the job.

Reno pushed his partner off to the side. "What Rude here means to say, Elena, is that we haven't had a girl in the Turks in _forever_…"

"…It has been two years…" Rude interrupted.

"…er, yeah, but anyway, it's about time you got up to this floor and since Tseng doesn't get here until eight or so we're going to raid his stash of microbrews and chocolate."

Elena shook out of her trance. "WHAT!"

"You know…special occasion and all…he won't miss 'em."

"And I'm sure you need them more than I do, Reno," Tseng said, coming up behind them.

"Good grief, boss! What did you do, sleep in your office!"

"…I get more sleep here than I do in my apartment. I live next to a young family of five. I need those beers, Reno, besides you remember the last time you went drinking on duty."

Reno looked a little too disappointed all things considering. He didn't actually remember what had happened that day and Rude and Tseng were not about to elaborate.

"Elena…" Tseng said, making the new Turk jump.

"Yes, sir?" she said quickly, and then realized she still had silly string and streamers across her uniform and hair. "Oh! I'm so sorry! I…I…"

Tseng lifted his hand. "Don't worry about it. The bathroom is down the hall to the left. It isn't anything I haven't seen before. As soon as you're done, come to my office. I need to brief you all on your next mission."

"Today? Come on, Tseng. It's Elena's first day. Can't we just sit around the office and throw a party of something? Rufus'll probably come and I could definitely sucker Reeve into coming!"

"Not today. Today's mission is top priority. All of us are going."

Reno lapsed into silence. The Turks almost never went on the same mission at once. He and Rude often worked in a duo, but Tseng didn't stray from his desk often.

Meanwhile Elena made her way to the bathroom. "_Great! Just great! I knew today would be bad! I knew it! It always happens like this. I should have stayed home and missed the first day. The second day is always better than the first!"_

After cleaning up she made her way to Tseng's office. Upon coming inside she was not surprised at what she saw. She already knew what the inside of Tseng's office looked like. Ever since word of her promotion got to her, Reno had been coming down to get her prepped. Since the Turks worked very closely with Intelligence, Elena managed to convince him to take a few pictures.

"The mission today is to eliminate an offshoot organization of AVALANCHE. They have been dabbling in various top secret Shinra research…" Tseng referenced to a sheet of paper, which was the memo detailing the mission.

As Tseng went on about the mission, Elena wasn't listening. She was staring at him with love-filled eyes. She resisted the sudden urge she had to sigh romantically. Beside her Rude listened intently. Reno seemed more interested in the buttons on his shirt.

"…This must be done quickly and quietly. The most trouble we should have is AVALANCHE showing up, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared for the worst. Rude and I will head in the building first. Reno, you and Elena will cover the escape route," Tseng finished. "Any questions?"

Reno raised his hand. "Oh! Teacher, teacher! I have a question!"

Tseng sighed. Heavily. "Yes, Reno?"

"Can we clock out early if we finish?"

"Last I knew, you still have several reports to write up. I expect them done soon. I will meet you three in the helicopter in ten minutes." Tseng left after putting the memo on his desk. Elena picked it up, curious.

"Elena! Put it down before…" Rude barely had time to warn her before it exploded in her face.

She blinked, her face blackened by the mini explosion.

"You guys actually have messages that self-destruct?" she asked, a bit surprised, and a little angry that she would have to go to the bathroom again to get cleaned up.

Reno shrugged. "Where else are you going to find them? This is pretty much the only place they're useful."

"I'm going to the bathroom quick," Elena said, and ran off. This day was not turning out good and she had only been there for an hour.

Upon her arrival back in the office she heard Reno groaning. "I've only had one cup of coffee today…that rebel group is going to feel the full force of Reno uncaffeinated." He slugged out of the office. Rude took a glance down at Elena.

"Ladies first."

"Thanks, Rude, but first into what is what I'm concerned about."

"Elena, do you copy?"

Elena clicked on her earpiece to respond. "Yes, sir. Reno and I are in position."

"Good. Rude and I are going in."

Elena sighed again as she leaned up against a wall, gun ready to fire. Reno was across the street in a similar position.

Ten nerve wracking minutes passed and there was no sign from Tseng or Rude.

"Hey, rookie…" came the voice from her earpiece. She quickly pushed it against her ear to hear it better.

"Stop calling me that, Reno." The communication device was ignored and the gun came back up to ready.

"Elena…I'm bored…" he whined.

"_Reno!_" Elena hissed. "It's my first mission out in the field. That's bad enough."

"But I've got to get you used to it. Tseng should know better by now not to put me on guard duty," Reno replied with a certain edge.

"How about we get through this first? _Please._"

"Well, since you asked so politely…but only because I'm your superior I'm going to deny that request."

Elena clenched the gun in her fist. Even down in the intelligence offices Reno would drive her insane. It boggled her mind that he was second in command.

"_The only reason why is because he joined the Turks before Rude. Shinra ranks by time spent in office and loyalty, not necessarily by anything else. …I have to make sure Tseng does not die or retire…"_

Elena's thoughts were interrupted by gunfire. She saw Reno was surprised and was ready to return the fire when needed. Elena figured she had better do the same.

"Heeeey, you must be the newbie Turk," said a strange voice from behind. Elena slowly turned around to see two guys, probably from AVALANCHE, staring her down.

Everything in Elena's gut told her to shoot them now and ask questions later. However she still had a few things to learn from that particular Turk motto. Intelligence had been the opposite and she hadn't quite made the whole transition yet.

"Who are you two?" she asked, leveling her gun.

"I'm Niccolo. This is my partner, Rodney. But wait, I should probably translate that for you into Turk-speak," he said sarcastically. "We're the guys you're supposed to take out."

Elena rolled her eyes. "Gee, thanks. So what are you guys up to? Not getting along with AVALANCE?" she said confidently. Inside, she wished Reno would get here soon.

Niccolo shrugged. "More or less."

Elena nodded understandingly. Then she fired on them without warning. Both were quick enough to avoid the bullet.

"Hey! Watch where you fire that thing!"

Elena continued to fire. "Doesn't your friend talk at all?"

He answered her question as he continued to dodge the bullets. "He got his tongue cut out. Yet another thing to blame on your employer."

Elena didn't reply as she finally nailed him in the shoulder. She fired the fatal shot. Nothing happened as she heard the worst sound in the world; the sound of a gun out of bullets.

She then realized that she had lost Rodney in the fray. She wasn't the least bit surprised when he snuck up on her the next second and gave her a sharp blow from behind.

"_This day sucks…"_ were Elena's thoughts as she blanked out.

Elena had always been told that if she were to ever be captured by the enemy there were a few things she could expect. Scenario one was not waking up at all because she would be dead in that case. Scenario two would involve waking up to the face of her captor for interrogation. Scenario three was the most common one and involved her waking up in a room for containment.

Nothing could have prepared her for what she woke up to.

Sprawled out on her back, Elena could almost feel the dreary situation.

"_It must still be day one. Everything is still bad,"_ she thought.

She fluttered her eyes open. She saw a dark ceiling. She closed her eyes. When she opened them again she saw Reno's face dangerously close to hers.

"Hey, Elena. Good to see you're still alive," he said rather good-naturedly. This was _not_ what Elena wanted to wake up to.

She freaked.

As she let out a scream of horror and surprise, her body's natural motion was to sit up. That was where Reno's face was and incidentally that was were her face went as well.

So it ended up an awkward kiss that wasn't really a kiss. Reno said nothing. He just blinked a few times in a mock sense of shock. Elena looked at him like he was death itself.

"That did _not_ just happen," Elena said, mostly to herself.

Reno shrugged. "Reflexes. Can't do with'em. Can't do without'em."

"I gave away my first kiss as an adult woman to my idiot coworker…" Elena went on, completely ignoring Reno's presence in the room.

"Uh…Elena…it wasn't really a kiss…Not that I didn't enjoy it immensely or anything."

"I was saving that for Tseng," Elena said before banging her head against the wall.

Reno seemed a bit sympathetic. "Yo, Elena, not to interrupt your rant or anything, but if you haven't noticed yet, we've been captured by the rebel group we were after. We should probably start finding a way out. Just a suggestion you know," he said offhandedly.

Elena slipped off to a wall and sat down. She sighed to regain her thoughts. "Sorry, Reno. What's the situation?" she said coolly. Inside, Elena was still screaming with panic.

Reno looked over to the door, hands in his pockets. To Elena he seemed to have everything under control. "Well, there's no lock on the inside, so there's nothing to crack open. Our best bet is to wait until someone comes and opens the door, knock them out and run faster than you've ever run before….and maybe grab some weapons off the guards while we're at it," he said almost as an afterthought.

"Good," Elena said. "At this point I need to beat something up."

Reno smiled. "Atta' girl Elena. That's the positive attitude."

Unfortunately before the two could put their plan into action their captors came in. Elena recognized the lead man as Niccolo, the man she had shot before.

"Hey, newbie, good to see you're finally awake," he said pleasantly.

Reno scowled. "Hey, I'm the only one who gets to call her that!"

Elena sighed. "It's only been a day, Reno."

Reno shrugged. "Nicknames have to start somewhere."

"Indeed."

"Hey, I got a question for you," Reno said.

Niccolo settled into a relaxed position. "Ask away," he said nonchalantly.

"Tseng and Rude, the two Turks that came in before us. What happened?"

"Oh, yes. I remember them. Can't tell you though. I'll let it be a surprise. In fifteen minutes these guys behind me are going to take you in for questioning. You'll find out then."

Elena bit her lip. There was something familiar about Niccolo. She felt it on the tip of her tongue, but still couldn't put her finger on it.

Reno nodded, satisfied for now.

Niccolo motioned for someone else to come into the room. They brought plates with what Reno and Elena presumed was food.

"Enjoy the cuisine you two. It's the best of what the slums have to offer," Niccolo said.

Reno rubbed his hands together. "Oh, goody. A home cooked meal. Just like mom used to make."

Elena lifted the lid when Niccolo motioned to the food. It looked disgusting. The soup looked like it had been sent through a chimney, the bread looked like it was a home for rats and the water looked like Elena's tenth grade science project.

Reno took a bite of the bread appraisingly. He nodded as he chewed on it. Elena looked thoroughly grossed out.

"Not bad," Reno said for his verdict. "Better than the cafeteria food."

Niccolo closed the door behind him. "I will see you two in fifteen minutes."

Reno offered the rest of the bread to Elena. "Care for any?"

"You idiot! For all you know it could be poisonous!"

"And I know a lot, Elena. Nothing this bad could be poisonous. So, want any?"

Elena sunk to the floor. "Thanks, but I think I lost my appetite."

Fifteen minutes later, Niccolo was true to his word.

"Mr. Reno. Your presence is requested in the science department," he said.

"Science department. Wait…you didn't kidnap Hojo did you?"

Niccolo shook his head.

Reno sighed with relief. "Well, lead the way then."

Elena stood up. "Wait! What about me?"

Niccolo dismissed her panic. "Don't worry. You're next, newbie."

"I _told_ you already. I'm the only one who gets to call her the new kid."

In less than a second, Reno's head was the focal point of the open end of two guns.

Niccolo smirked. "You may not have noticed, but you are a prisoner here. Just thought I would remind you of that since you seem to have forgotten."

There was silence as the door closed in front of Elena, leaving her alone in the dark.

Her eyes narrowed. "This is the worst first day. _Ever_."

Elena sat in the dark for what seemed like forever. She kept her mind entertained by thinking about Tseng. This made her feel significantly better, until she realized that there was a very real possibility that Tseng might be dead. The thought had just never occurred to her before.

Her first thoughts of that were that it was a tragedy, such a beautiful person taken away so young. Her second thoughts went to the horror that Reno would be in charge in that case. Then she realized that it was very plausible that he might be dead by now, too.

So, if Rude were dead as well, considering he was with Tseng at the time of the attack, it was entirely possible that she, Elena, was the last Turk alive.

Unless, of course, you believed in the Shinra urban legend that Vincent Valentine was still alive somewhere out there.

This was definitely a no good very bad day.

Elena buried her head in her knees and began to sniffle a few tears. Before she could get a really good cry in, the door opened and Niccolo entered once again.

Reno was not with him.

Elena stood up to face him.

Niccolo gestured to the door, guards waiting on the other side. "This way, Miss Elena."

Elena took a breath. Then she walked out as indicated.

Niccolo led her down what seemed like endless corridors. Instead of bringing her to a small, typical interrogation room she was used to from intelligence, he brought her to a dentist's office.

Or, at least what looked like one.

"What is that thing?" Elena asked, letting a little bit of her bottled up panic escape. Her eyes darted around at everything.

"That is a chair," Niccolo replied, referring to a chair that was probably once used in a dentist's office. "You are going to sit in it," he finished.

Elena didn't move. She had heard horror stories about the things that went on in Shinra's research and science departments. Another Turk rule came into her mind that Reno had told her once while she was in intelligence. That was to never go into Hojo's lab alone and always take someone with you. No one had figured out what happened to Vincent Valentine that day and Hojo wasn't talking.

"Go ahead, sit in the chair."

Elena heard a gun unlock behind her. Whatever they were about to do to her was probably no better alternative, but she decided to grasp on to whatever hope was left.

Once in the chair she was securely fastened to it. She tested the bonds as human instinct demanded, thinking just maybe there was a loose spot…there was not one.

"Um, is there a reason why I can't move at all?" Elena just had to ask, anything to get her mind off of the horror stories of Hojo and his assistants.

"Of course there is a reason," Niccolo said as a team of two men and one woman wearing white coats entered the room. "This is all a part of appeasing the scientists of AVALANCHE. Normally, our leaders would not sanction these types of experiments. However, many of our scientist's come straight from Hojo's training…"

Elena felt like crying.

"What are you going to do with me!" she screamed at him instead. "Are you going to kill me like you did the others? Or are you going to mutate me into a monster? You know what? I don't care! At this point I just want this day to be over with!"

"Are you quite done?" Niccolo asked in a bored tone.

Elena relaxed her breathing. "Yeah. Two more questions. First, what time is it?"

Niccolo looked at his clock. "11:59 pm. Almost midnight. Your second?"

"What _are_ you going to do to me? You can tell me that much." She resigned to her fate.

"Well, most of the scientists here are geneticists you see…"

"And…" Elena coaxed.

"When I brought you and your partner in, they found the two of you most intriguing…"

"And…" _So they must have done experiments on Reno ,too. I hope he's still alive…providing Tseng is, too! Oh, lovely Tseng, I hope they didn't turn him into a monster. That would be such a shame… and I hope Rude is okay too, he's a nice guy…"_

"And after doing some preliminary tests, they want to impregnate you so they can see what the child of two Turks would look like. Any ideas?"

"Like a normal kid…" Elena said, as if it were obvious. "I mean, it's not like we're superhuman or anything its just that…WHAT DID YOU SAY!" As the realization of what he was implying dawned upon her.

"They want to implant his sperm into your ovum and…"

Wide eyed, Elena watched as the female scientist approached her with an injection needle.

"That's it!" she yelled. "Of all the bad things that have happened to me today, this is the crowning achievement. There is no way I am having Reno's child! The title of father of my children is reserved for one person only!"

Sucking in tightly, Elena loosened the straps and wiggled her way out. Niccolo and the scientists stood by in amazement.

"Don't just stand there! Get her tied back down!" Niccolo yelled.

The guards were too late as Elena knocked them both out with a few well-placed punches. She grabbed their guns and was out the door like lightening.

The time on the clock read one minute after midnight.

Escaping the facility was easier than she had expected. She kept running. She ran through whatever sector she was in and she didn't stop until she reached the lobby of Shinra headquarters.

She fell on her knees. "It's over. It's all over…" she repeated.

"Elena…? Are you alright?"

That voice, it was like heaven to her ears.

"T…Tseng, sir?" Elena lifted her head up. Sure enough there he was. Perfectly unharmed and incidentally standing alongside Rude…and Reno?

"Wha…What happened? Reno! How did you escape? Tseng, Rude, the gunfight…and…?"

Suddenly the doors to the lobby opened. There was Niccolo. Elena, having just gone through a traumatic experience, did not think of why he would be in the Shinra lobby in the first place and fully embraced the Turk motto of 'shoot first, ask questions later'.

"Hey, hey stop it! You're going to kill me!"

"That's the point!"

Reno and Rude quickly confiscated the guns away from her.

"Hey, give those back! He was our target! He's right there!"

"I'm not your target, Elena," Niccolo said. He then pulled off his brown hairpiece to reveal more blonde hair.

"Mr. Vice President!" Elena shrieked.

Rufus nodded. "Yes. It was me the whole time."

"I…I'm so sorry, sir! I didn't know it was you…and …what were you doing there anyway…not that you have to answer to me at all," Elena said, flustered beyond belief. "_Elena, you idiot, you knew it sounded familiar…!"_

"It's alright, Elena. No one was harmed…save Rufus and the poor guards you knocked out on you way here," Tseng said. Rufus was still mending his wounds he had just received from bullets grazing his skin and the shot to the shoulder from earlier.

"I don't know why I even volunteered for this. Remind me, Tseng."

"You are the one who wanted the testing done, sir. As the vice president, you have a very good insurance policy as well."

"Right. If you want anything done right, you have to do it yourself I suppose, or let your elite bodyguards take care of it."

"Thank you for the confidence, sir," Tseng responded.

"I don't get it," Elena said, still a bit out of breath.

"A test," Rude said.

"A test?" she repeated.

"Yeah, a test. Rookies get put into a hopeless situation on their first day of work and we see how they fair. Usually they do this at the military academy, but now since they don't do it anymore, we can pull this little stunt on SOLDIERS and new Turks so they won't expect it," Reno supplied.

"Really, Reno, the cafeteria food is that bad?" Rufus asked.

"I've been putting in for better meals since I started working here! It still hasn't gone through! The meatloaf tastes like sh-"

"You mean all of it was fake?" Elena interjected.

The four men nodded.

Elena stood frozen. She did not speak.

"Elena, are you okay?" Reno asked.

Elena simply picked up one of the guns she had taken back at the facility.

"You can all dodge bullets, right?" she asked.

"More or less. Why?" Rufus asked.

"Good. Then I won't feel bad."

"Hey, Elena, watch where you point that thing…."

"Elena…put down the gun."

"No! Don't unlock it! Elena, I'm pretty sure that's not safe."

"Oh, crap! Elena! Stop shooting!"

"Elena, I order you to stop shooting!"

"Elena!"

The second day was always better than the first.

A/N: There you have it, the appropriately titled Bad Day. I really wanted to write a FF7 fic, but could never find the right idea. I was once again re-motivated to write one after seeing Advent Children. This particular idea came out of nowhere and I'm surprised I wrote it this fast.

I took a lot of liberties with this. I came in armed with knowledge behind "Before Crisis". But I still didn't really use any of it.

As far as the romantic aspect goes, it's the same as the game. If you really wanted to you could pick out RenoxElena stuff, but if anything it's in there to make fun of the pairing. Even thought I admit I'm a fan myself.

The whole deal with Rufus came in the middle of typing, completely out of the blue. He originally wasn't going to be in here at all. And yes I am aware that he makes fun of himself, but that was all part of the act.

So, what was the point to this story? To give Elena more spotlight for one thing. I've grown rather attached to her while writing this. Secondly, to just have fun with the Turks. How can you not like them?

Until Next Time,

Unrealistic :-)

**YC: Heh, this turned out good. I just like imagining Rufus-tachi dodging Elena's berserk bullets. She should so be fired….**

**Everyone bug UR to write testing fics like this for everyone including Ruffy! evil laugh**


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